Selfish Crush

I thought I'd take a break from the slow upload of old poems that I've wrote ages ago just because it's time for celebration. My writers block curse has been lifted!! Since May of this year, when I wrote Rebellious Beings, I couldn't bring myself to write a single sentence. Hopefully this sudden surge of inspiration lasts through the season so I can continue bettering my writing on my so-so blog.

Selfish crush

it's depressing how vividly I can picture me and you together
all the little things you'll do
just to see me smile
how you'd show me off
so they know what's up
the way our lips would touch
In between every class
but after all these years
I can't seem to think of a single thing that I would do for you
never have I once pictured myself going out of my way for you
I really wish I could
because it won't be until that point that I'll really be in love.
this is only a dream
selfish crush


This is about one of my friends since my freshman year. At first I was initially attracted to him but after a couple of months I let it go because he clearly wasn't interested in me that way. Now I find myself waking up to dreams of us two together that I have to quickly shake off before I see him at school. I dreamt about him again last night but this morning was different. I sat and thought maybe we should actually be together because in my dreams we seem to be great for each other. Then I noticed how in each one of my dreams, Its always him doing something special for me. A promposal, bringing me lunch, taking me shopping, bragging about me to his friends, helping me with schoolwork, taking me wherever I need to go, etc. but I have never seen me ever returning the favor. To me, relationships are about reciprocity and making EACH OTHER happy, not at all onesided. All this means is that I don't really like him at all, I'm just using him as a face to my fantasies.