The Last Night

drugged fantasies...

the last night

we're both fried out of our minds
everything blurs past us
driving so fast I can't make out the lights
but I look up and see your face so clear
only thing on my mind is you
seems to be the only thought that's lasted through the night
and all the others of what I want you to do to me, flash through my mind violently
self control is always hard with you around
explains why I want you to control me
dominate me
Overpower my body
take me under, I love it on top
You stare back at me, smile and chuckle
you'd be smiling way harder if you knew what I had us doing in my head.
I don't even need a bed
just you
me
and the night

Selfish Crush

I thought I'd take a break from the slow upload of old poems that I've wrote ages ago just because it's time for celebration. My writers block curse has been lifted!! Since May of this year, when I wrote Rebellious Beings, I couldn't bring myself to write a single sentence. Hopefully this sudden surge of inspiration lasts through the season so I can continue bettering my writing on my so-so blog.

Selfish crush

it's depressing how vividly I can picture me and you together
all the little things you'll do
just to see me smile
how you'd show me off
so they know what's up
the way our lips would touch
In between every class
but after all these years
I can't seem to think of a single thing that I would do for you
never have I once pictured myself going out of my way for you
I really wish I could
because it won't be until that point that I'll really be in love.
this is only a dream
selfish crush


This is about one of my friends since my freshman year. At first I was initially attracted to him but after a couple of months I let it go because he clearly wasn't interested in me that way. Now I find myself waking up to dreams of us two together that I have to quickly shake off before I see him at school. I dreamt about him again last night but this morning was different. I sat and thought maybe we should actually be together because in my dreams we seem to be great for each other. Then I noticed how in each one of my dreams, Its always him doing something special for me. A promposal, bringing me lunch, taking me shopping, bragging about me to his friends, helping me with schoolwork, taking me wherever I need to go, etc. but I have never seen me ever returning the favor. To me, relationships are about reciprocity and making EACH OTHER happy, not at all onesided. All this means is that I don't really like him at all, I'm just using him as a face to my fantasies.

Simplicity at its finest

Sometimes all you need is a few lines to get the point across.
Its been a while since I posted but I thought I'd add couple of my old basic poems, lost love blah blah..

Die Whole

I can't handle this
the source of my greatest pleasure
is the cause of my discomfort
stuck in the middle
you will no longer please me
I'm not enough

I want to be around you
your presence completes me
but it kills me
at least I'll die whole

Antidote

From your lips drip the sweetest poison
i'll drink it all
With ease  

Your arms 
Oh so gentle
Lock me away from the world
Lock me into a cage
At the bottom of the ocean


**This next one is a lil unique though. Have you ever thought about how some people just seem to have it easy and just watch them manipulate themselves through life? It's almost as if the basic unwritten laws of humanity just does not apply to them whatsoever. Or maybe they've just mastered the art of persuasion.. But either way they use their skill not just to their own advantage but to aid in the downfall of others. That's what bothers me. Why go through all that twisting and turning to make someone else's life harder? We are all dependent on each other to make the world a better place (cliche) but yet instead of working towards this utopian goal, they all deliberate on all the nefarious deeds they have planned for the days to come. I'm being a way too over-dramatic but I mean you get the point. 

Rebellious beings

We are all nothing but slaves to each other
There is no one person in control
Of us all
But somehow
We allow the sickest cruelest ones to own the most of us
Someone needs to strip these creatures of their power
feed the fire
the slave rebellion begins

Criminal desires

Everybody has had those nights. Sitting up contemplating whether your crush has a crush on you or not. Maybe those signals he or she sent you were just simple acts of kindness.  For some people , it's more extreme than just a simple crush...

Criminal Desires 

Is a crime a crime if it's done with you in mind?
There are so many things I wanna do to you
But
Will you wanna do the same
I don't know if your as extreme
As I
I
I want be what keeps you up at night
What you can't function without
I want you to stay with me here
Here
Where I'm in control
I'll stay in control
You don't know what your doing
You won't remember any of this in the mornin
Your acting upon you sexual desires as a man
Nothin else
But I can't help believing that it's more
A drunk tongue speaks a sober mind
But your not drunk
Not just drunk at least

( Inspired from The Weeknd - Professional )

Bruises and Barriers

My way of explaining the process of heartbreaks:


Bruises and Barriers


Don't fall for somebody
Who trips up everybody
You won't be nothing
But a scraped knee
A bruised elbow

I know it hurts
Might not have foreseen your downfall
But you definitely fell
Hard
The loud thud of your heart hitting then shattering against the concrete isn't easy to forget

You can't bounce back
But you'll be patched right up
Reinforcing the cracks
Makes you harder to break
And harder to trust

Cancer

Cancer

Why am i doing this to myself
i know i don't need them
i barely even want them
And yet i still find myself in their control

i used to be able to do what they do
Reduce
Reuse
Recycle
All without having to think twice
Now i can't even control my emotions

Cancerous feelings 
Starts small then starts to shut down my defenses 
Eventually i'll be nothing but a shell
A shell of what i tried to be for them
Tried to be
i couldn't succeed

The "not-so" start of my writing

Writing as always been my release. It all started when I first met my father. I was 7 and devastated. To him I was nothing but a check he sent out every month. A hurt military brat, I didn't know what to do until my english teacher made us write about our lives. I never stopped ever since then. I don't write for sympathy or to complain though, I write to remain sane. My feelings come out and soon you'll realize im not a typical mopey writer. Im not always sad or in a melancholy state of mind but i'll let you read those poems when they come. But now, I want to show you all the "first" poem I've written that I believe is somewhat well-written. I put first in quotations because its really just the oldest one I can find. Many other poems are just lost somewhere in my room. I wrote this towards the end of a what I thought was a "relationship" at the time with my first real high school crush. Lol it might be a little cliche but it was a pivotal poem during a pivotal point of my writing style. That's why its the "not-so" start of my writing. From here on out I'll pretty much just continue adding my poems and I might explain some and others I might not. I might even just add pictures or simple stories. But meanwhile here it is, my "first" poem, Nothing. 

Nothing

You've left me speechless

So many questions

I dont want the answer too

Why did you lie to him

Thought we had something special

At least thats what you told me

But then you went and denied

Everything

As if it never existed

Erased

Gone